Haircare, Or: Stop Looking Like a Bum

Hair is an easy, easy upgrade. It's something a lot of men don't know how to take care of, but a few small changes can totally change your image.

My hair is dry, coarse and terrible to manage. When I was little my parents force-combed it into an Eric Foreman style, meaning it was a wavy, puffy mess (good in the 70's, not so hot in the 90's). As I got older I always struggled with trying to make it look okay, but eventually resorted (as most guys do) to just cutting it short and keeping it close-cropped, but it always gave me a fuzzy look I hated.

Then, after high school, I grew out my hair a bit. And it got wavy, as it always did, but soon it did something different. It curled. And kept curling. And soon I had a head of hair that was literally getting me stopped on the street by women.

But with great hair came great responsibility. I learned very quickly that if I didn't take care of my hair, it became a frizzy, horrible, misshapen mess.

Here's some tips to keep that from happening to you:

Moisture Is Key

If you do nothing else, there is one thing you need to start doing: USE CONDITIONER. If you just started to think "But conditioner is for girls," tell your brain to get into the 2000's. Your hair is being constantly exposed to the elements, and its condition and manageability is directly related to how much moisture it has.

Unfortunately, if you're not using conditioner, not only is your hair not getting enough moisture, you're probably actually drying it out! The culprit? Shampoo. Most shampoos use chemicals called sulfates to clean the hair. It does what it says in this regard, but it also dries out your hair (the same way soap can do to your hands). There's a couple of ways to combat this.

If you condition after you shampoo and you like how your hair feels, that's good. But if you find your hair still too dry, you can reduce your shampooing to two or three times a week. You may think your hair will become gross, but the truth is you don't need to scour it every day unless you're putting your head somewhere dirty all the time. If your scalp gets itchy, you can massage it when you apply conditioner, and it'll loosen the skin just like shampoo will. If you have curly or wavy hair, take it down to once or twice a week. The difference will be massive, and you will see it in only a few days.

Another option, which you can combine with the prior tip, is to use a sulfate-free shampoo. There's a few brands, but one that's cheap ($7) and can be found widely is Organix.

(Yes it's conditioner, but they all come in shampoo as well)

It's an easy-to-spot brand, and you may find up to a dozen different varieties of it in your local convenience store or supermarket, though a lot of them are very floral or fruity. The green bottles like the one above with teatree mint have a nice masculine scent, and teatree is absolutely wonderful for your hair. There's also mandarin orange and coconut varieties which you may like (coconut may not be a "manly" scent but women absolutely love it; I always get compliments when I use it).

You only need to use a little bit, it lathers up quite well, and it leaves your hair clean but in a better condition than most others. I use it twice a week at the most, depending on how my hair feels, and it lasts for months like that since all you need is a small dab of it.

Now that we've got your hair looking healthier and nicer, it's time to style. We'll get to that next time!

There Are Two Problems With Men Today

My approach to manhood, specifically what most men are lacking, comes down to two fundamental problems. The male approach to how one should look and act is miles away from where it was 100, even 50 years ago.

Now? As a man, you're supposed to put as little effort as possible into your physical appearance (only women do that!), and it's perfectly okay to be a jackass because men don't have to be polite or well-mannered.

The idea that you either have to be stoically uninterested in how you look and act to be a dude is ridiculous. For hundreds, even thousands of years, men went to great lengths to be fashionable, put real effort into the way that they looked, and had complex and steadfast rules of conduct and honor.

So what's changed? Why was class and lace replaced with beer guts and flannel?

1.) Men have gotten lazy.

Laziness. That's the poison men have let seep into their bones. Men don't want to put in any effort anymore. They want to wake up, go to work, eat, sleep, and copulate. Is that really all there is to life? Damn near every animal on the planet lives that way, but we've been given the mental faculties to change that, for better or worse.

Most men today seem content to live out their lives in mediocrity, taking the “normal” course that they feel is culturally acceptable, blending into a crowd of other slovenly guys who also never cared to be anything more. I can't be the only one who finds that depressing.

The truth is, for most dudes it's easier to let themselves be something unimpressive than spend a little bit of time and money making themselves into something better.

Of course, even those that do wish to change, to become someone of refinement and class, face a second obstacle:

2.) Men have become cowards.

That's right. I'm calling out my whole dang gender. Men are ruled by fear. What fear, you ask, most likely teetering on the edge of your seat?

The fear of other men not approving of them.

It's actually a quality we share with women. One of the dirty little secrets of womankind is that when they're dressing up and primping themselves, it's not because they want to impress us, at least not entirely. It's because (and this is a generalization but don't pretend it's not true, ladies) women judge each other viciously. When a woman walks into a room, every other woman in it catalogues her features and outfit. Watch one of your female friends at a restaurant sometime; they check out other women just as much as we do.

Guys do the same thing, but we're much less aware of it and we'd be loath to admit it, while most women will be your best friend if you'll play the "let's judge other women" game (I'm great at it). Men are afraid that other men won't see them as being manly enough. We take a lot of pride in being a man, and we don't want anyone to think we're anything but a testosterone-fueled robot of masculinity.

So what do most men do? They let themselves be ordinary. They conform to the ridiculous, broken-down stereotypes that we apply to men, keeping us down, keeping us from rising up and being incredible.

Well screw that. I'm going to make myself look good, I'm going to like all the "girly" stuff that I like, and I'll be the only damned gentleman in a room of ruffians if I have to. At the end of the day, no matter what other guys think of me, I have to face myself.

And damned if I'm going to be anything but outstanding.

On Masculinity

Masculinity.

Right there, when you read that word, you had a flood of associations, both conscious and unconscious. What being a man is, what it entails, what it doesn't entail.

And somewhere else, someone else read that same word and came up with a completely different meaning.

All my life, I've had an inner conflict between what I was told was manly and what I believed was manly. I collected My Little Ponies, but for me they were War Ponies and shot lasers at each other. I've always gotten along well with women, and found men to be abrasive and uncouth.

So where does that leave a blog about being a man?

Here's what I'm getting at: Masculinity is a cultural construction. It changes with time, region, an individuals. Everyone has their own approach. This blog documents mine. I think the state of men in America is sad, approaching pathetic. I think we can change. I think we can be better.

Seriously though the ponies fought each other, it was the Trojan War of Ponies all up ins. It was totally manly. Seriously.